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Friendship and Other Quotes
We may not all see eye to eye -- but we can
walk arm in arm.
A real friend warms you with their presence,
trusts you with their secrets and remembers you in their prayers.
Friendship is the cement of the soul.
Praise does wonders for the sense of
hearing.
Contentment is hoping for the best and
making the best of what we've got.
Happiness often sneaks in through a window
you didn't know you left open.
A kind word picks up a friend when trouble
weights them down.
The ornaments of a house are the
friends that frequent it.
How beautiful a day can be when kindness
touches it.
There is not better exercise for the heart
than reaching down and lifting them up.
When happiness gets into your blood, it is
bound to break out in your face.
A friend will see you through after others
see you are through.
7 Ways To Improve Your Relationship
by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
Good
relationships don’t just happen. I’ve heard many of my clients
state that, “If I have to work at it, then it’s not the right
relationship.” This is not a true statement, any more than it’s
true that you don’t have to work at good physical health through
exercise, eating well, and stress reduction.
I’ve discovered, in the 35 years that I’ve been counseling
couples, 7 choices you can make that will not only improve your
relationship, but can turn a failing relationship into a
successful one.
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELF
This is the most important choice you can make to improve your
relationship. This means that you learn how to take
responsibility for your own feelings and needs. This means that
instead of trying to get your partner to make you feel happy and
secure, you learn how to do this for yourself
through your own thoughts and actions. This means learning to
treat yourself with kindness, caring, compassion, and
acceptance instead of self-judgment. Self-judgment will always
make you feel unhappy and insecure, no matter how
wonderfully your partner is treating you.
For example, instead of getting angry at your partner for your
feelings of abandonment when he or she is late, preoccupied and
not listening to you, not turned on sexually, and so on, you
would explore your own feelings of abandonment and discover how
you might be abandoning yourself.
When you learn how to take full, 100% responsibility for
yourself, then you stop blaming your partner for your upsets.
Since blaming one’s partner for one’s own
unhappiness is the number one cause of relationship problems,
learning how to take loving care of yourself is vital to a good
relationship.
KINDNESS, COMPASSION, ACCEPTANCE
Treat others the way you want to be treated. This is the essence
of a truly spiritual life. We all yearn to be treated lovingly –
with kindness, compassion, understanding,
and acceptance. We need to treat ourselves this way, and we need
to treat our partner and others this way. Relationships flourish
when both people treat each other with kindness. While there are
no guarantees, often treating another with kindness brings
kindness in return. If your partner is
consistently angry, judgmental, uncaring and unkind, then you
need to focus on what would be loving to yourself rather than
reverting to anger, blame, judgment, withdrawal, resistance, or
compliance. Kindness to others does not mean
sacrificing yourself. Always remember that taking responsibility
for yourself rather than blaming others is the most important
thing you can do. If you are consistently kind to yourself and
your partner, and your partner is consistently angry, blaming,
withdrawn and unavailable, then you either have to accept a
distant relationship, or you need to leave the relationship. You
cannot make your partner change – you can only change yourself.
LEARNING INSTEAD OF CONTROLLING
When conflict occurs, you always have two choices regarding how
to handle the conflict: you can open to learning about
yourself and your partner and discover the deeper issues of the
conflict, or you can try to win, or at least not lose, through
some form of controlling behavior. We’ve all
learning many overt and subtle ways of trying to control others
into behaving the way we want: anger, blame, judgment, niceness,
compliance, caretaking, resistance, withdrawal of love,
explaining, teaching, defending, lying, denying, and so on. All
the ways we try to control create
even more conflict. Remembering to learn instead of control is a
vital part of improving your relationship.
For example, most people have two major fears that become
activated in relationships: the fear of abandonment – of losing
the other - and the fear of engulfment – of losing
oneself. When these fears get activated, most people immediately
protect themselves against these fears with their controlling
behavior. But if you chose to learn about
your fears instead of attempt to control your partner, your fear
would eventually heal. This is how we grow emotionally and
spiritually – by learning instead of controlling.
CREATE DATE TIMES
When people first fall in love, they make time for each other.
Then, especially after getting married, they get busy.
Relationships need time to thrive. It is vitally important to
set aside specific times to be together – to
talk, play, make love. Intimacy cannot be maintained without
time together.
GRATITUDE INSTEAD OF COMPLAINTS
Positive energy flows between two people when there is an
“attitude of gratitude.” Constant complaints creates a heavy,
negative energy, which is not fun to be around. Practice being
grateful for what you have rather than focusing on what you
don’t have. Complaints create stress, while gratitude creates
inner peace, so gratitude creates not only emotional and
relationship health, but physical health as well.
FUN AND PLAY
We all know that “work without play makes Jack a dull boy.” Work
without play makes for dull relationships as well. Relationships
flourish when people laugh together, play
together, and when humor is a part of everyday life. Stop taking
everything so seriously and learn to see the funny side of life.
Intimacy flourishes when there is lightness of being, not when
everything is heavy.
SERVICE
A wonderful way of creating intimacy is to do service projects
together. Giving to others fills the heart and creates deep
satisfaction in the soul. Doing service moves you out of
yourself and your own problems and supports a broader, more
spiritual view of life.
If you and your partner agree to these 7 choices, you will be
amazed at the improvement in your relationship!
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of
eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me, To Be Loved By
You?", "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be, Loved By My Kids?",
"Healing Your Aloneness","Inner Bonding", and "Do I Have To Give
Up Me To Be Loved By God?" Visit her web site for a FREE Inner
Bonding course:
http://www.innerbonding.com or
mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com
Be That Friend
by Marnie Pehrson
Have you ever felt like you were all alone? That nothing in
your life seemed right and there was no light at the end of the
tunnel? Those who face serious illness, financial setbacks, loss
of loved ones, or even roadblocks in trying to achieve their
goals and dreams often feel totally alone in their darkest hour.
Usually, I write about ways that we can help ourselves
through challenges like this - like calling upon God, having
faith, reframing the situation, looking for the silver lining,
and basically hanging on until the light comes. But today, I'd
like to talk about what you can do when you have a friend or
loved one who is going through these types of challenges. How
can you be there to support them and back them up?
Listen to them
Sometimes all you need in your most challenging moments is a
listening ear, a shoulder to cry on. Really listen to your
friend or loved one. Ask them questions to help them verbalize
and think through solutions to their problems. If you listen
carefully, you can often find the root of the problem. By asking
the right questions and letting them talk it through, they'll be
able to discover their own solutions. My strategist/coach,
Jenette Zubero whom I fondly refer to as the Question Lady, has
taught me the power of the interrogative statement. She says,
''I never give advice; even if a client asks for it. This may
sound stringent, but I believe that giving advice is a huge
disservice to my clients. I believe that clients can find their
own answers and that when they find the answer, it will be
infinitely better than any advice I could have given.''
Empathize
Although you may have never experienced the exact problem your
friend or loved one is experiencing, you most likely have
endured something similar. Your friend may be having doubts
about decisions they've made. Your friend may have started a
business that isn't taking off, and this could be causing a lot
of stress for them. Even if you've never had your own business,
you may still have experienced similar moments in your life
where you doubted yourself, doubted your decisions, and even
doubted your own self-worth. You can draw upon those feelings
you had in your challenges to help your friend know that you
understand the feelings and emotions that they are having. If
you can't relate to their problem at all, find someone who can,
and talk to them about the feelings that are associated with
this type of challenge and how they worked through it so you can
better understand and support your friend.
It helps to know that you're not alone -- that there is
someone out there who understands your pain, that you have a
shoulder to cry on, and that the feelings you have are perfectly
normal.
Give 'em a little push
A friend of mine told me recently that the bigger the challenge
or problem you're pushing against in your life, the more you
need someone behind you pushing you along. In other words, when
you're trying to move a heavy rock, it sure helps to have an
extra set of arms and shoulders to bear the load. From your
objective point of view, you may be able to see answers that
your friend is too close to see. In a loving, but firm way, you
can give them insights into their challenges so that they can
have more options for solutions. You can give them the strength
to keep on going and never give up.
One word of caution, you do need to be careful when you push
people that you don't overdo it. You can't beat people over the
head with a club to get them to see their solutions; you'll only
knock them senseless. It is always darkest before the dawn, and
it is in the moment of your greatest darkness that you want to
give up, lose confidence and quit. It sure helps to have a
friend who gently, yet firmly gives you the nudge you need to
proceed into the light.
Inspire them
I would dare say that every challenge that we face in life could
be overcome with faith. Faith that tomorrow will be a brighter
day, faith that this too shall pass. Stay in contact with your
struggling friend. Call them just to see how they are doing,
pick them up and take them to lunch. Send them
inspiring quotes, notes, or cards to give them little
packets of sunlight to brighten their way. Even one small star
in the night can help to light someone's way.
Love them unconditionally
Love them for who they are as well as for who they can become. I
think the truest friend is one who knows your potential, who
sees all the great things in you, and gives you the strength,
courage and vision to reach your full potential. A true friend
doesn't belittle you or love you any less for your shortcomings,
but points out your strengths and helps you work to overcome
your weaknesses. A true friend leaves you better than they found
you.
There is nothing so rewarding as helping a friend to the
light. I challenge each of us to reach out to those around us.
Instead of saying, ''Oh, that's too bad'' when someone has a
problem, actually do something about it! Be there for them, help
them, love them, inspire them and get behind that load and push.
Don't be afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing; just be
there for them. As I told a friend the other day, we're not
living on an episode of Touched by an Angel here. God
isn't going to send Monica in a glow of light, but he does send
friends who love us to let us know we are not alone. Be that
angel to those around you, and not only will they be
strengthened, but also your life will never be the same again.
Marnie Pehrson may be contacted at
http://www.ideamarketers.com
webmaster@ideamarketers.com.
Marnie Pehrson is an author, creator of IdeaMarketers,
LocateACoach, BuildEbooks and more. She helps talented
professionals deliver their messages to the online world. She
also helps people
earn money from home using the phone and the Internet. For
more information on her projects, visit
http://www.pwgroup.com.
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